Testing of Faith

Faith ... that's what we hold onto when there is nothing else.

Being diagnosed with colon cancer in November 2005 was the beginning of my testing of faith. Even then as I was facing surgery and the unknown, I was at peace with what was going on. When I would go into my chemotherapy treatments, I would always take God in with me and ask him to flow through the tubing and make sure the chemo went where it was supposed to.

After surgery and six months of chemotherapy (and some rough times through that), things were looking up and going smoothly; my God was with me every step of the way.

In June 2007 I had a PET scan due to a slowly rising CEA, which is a cancer indicator test. The scan showed something was in my liver and in September I underwent liver resection. Again, my Lord and Savior was there with me — that is the only way I made it through. The peace he gave me was indescribable. I had six more months of chemo and ended in April of this year.

My CEA had once again gone up and I had a PET scan in May, which showed a suspicious area in my abdominal cavity. After doctor appointments that went from nothing could be done to we'll try more chemo, my wonderful husband took me to a cancer treatment facility where more testing was done, including a CAT and PET scan.

I'll never forget the bewildered look on the doctor's face as he walked in the room and placed his hand on my shoulder. My heart just sank for a moment, but I knew that no matter what I faced that God would get me through it again. The words, "There is no cancer seen," took just a minute to set in. "Thank God!" I said over and over.

Some people may have to take apart what happened and exam the scans and reports to see how this could be. I know what happened. I believe in prayer and many wonderful people were praying daily for me. I know God did answer those prayers.

One of the things God impressed upon me was the word longevity, and I have held onto that. I don't know what he has planned for me in the coming days, weeks, months or years, but I do know I will live each and every day for him. He has given me another beginning in my life, another chance to get it right and let his light shine. And I plan to do just that.

Common (but uncommon for me) Redpoll

This was a new bird for us at our feeder this winter. It's called a common redpoll and is only here in the cold, winter months. I do believe this is a female since it doesn't have the red breast mark like the male does. It was fun to get up each morning and look out at the feeders to see where this little bird was amongst the usual sparrows, cardinals, chickadees, goldfinch and blue jays. It stood out because it was different from the others and not a usual bird to see. The other birds accepted it and didn't pay much attention to it.

One cool fact I read about this little bird is that Redpolls have throat pouches for temporarily storing seeds. They may fill their pouches with seeds quickly then fly away to swallow the seeds in a more protected, warmer spot.

I love to watch the birds at the feeders. The bigger ones will get up in the feeder and push the feed out on the ground for the ground feeders. It empties the feeder really fast but I don't mind refilling it for the joy they provide to me.

Magnificent Beauty

This past weekend I was able to view the beauty of the eagle. To see 40 or more of these majestic birds in one tree is breathtaking. Watching them soar and then dive down to catch a fish is beyond words. Graceful, elegant, fierce, sweeping thru the sky as if it were nothing unusual...not realizing the show they are putting on for others. People flock to the rock (Starved Rock) to see them.

It reminds me of how people flocked to see Jesus...the Rock. They came by the thousands to hear him speak and to see him perform miracles. They took the time because they knew there was something special about Him. They were drawn to Him and the words He spoke. They didn't worry about time...about food....they wanted to get as close as they could because they wanted what He offered to them.


Do you want what He is offering to you? Everlasting life....an eternal home in heaven....love beyond measure?

Presence of God

There was such a sweet presence of God at our worship practice last night. To be able to just let go and let it flow from our lips was wonderful. It wasn't just a bunch of noise but it was all in harmony....the instruments, our leader's voice, the backup singers....I love when that happens!

Holly Golightly

I have always enjoyed Audrey Hepburn movies and came across this poem by her in one of my e-mails.

Below is a wonderful poem Audrey Hepburn
wrote when asked to share her "Beauty Tips."
Years later, it was read at her funeral.


For attractive lips,
speak words of kindness.


For lovely eyes,
seek out the good in people.


For a slim figure,
share your food with the hungry.


For beautiful hair,
let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.


For poise,
walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.


People, even more than things,
have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed,
and redeemed; never throw out anyone.


Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you will find one at the end of each of your arms.


As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands;
one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

Audrey Hepburn (1929 - 1993)
Source: Audrey herself

Every movie I've seen her in, she does a tremendous job of acting and taking on the character like a second skin. One of my favorites was Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

This is from her biography:

In her later years, acting took a back seat to her work on behalf of children. She became a goodwill ambassador for UNICEF in the late 1980s. Traveling the world, Hepburn tried to raise awareness about children in need. She understood too well what it was like to go hungry from her days in The Netherlands during the German Occupation. Making more than 50 trips, Hepburn visited UNICEF projects in Asia, Africa, and Central and South America. She won a special Academy Award for her humanitarian work in 1993, but she did not live long enough to receive it. Hepburn died on January 20, 1993, at her home in Tolochenaz, Switzerland after a battle with colon cancer.

Sometimes I want to be as carefree as "Holly Golightly" but without all the drama she had. But I don't want to lose sight of who I am in Christ and why I am allowed to continue my life on this earth. I pray that God will use me to reach others who need Him but don't maybe realize it or are afraid of what it involves.

ODE TO ELAINE

I was in the process of looking for a purchase slip for my daughter's digital camera and came across this. My husband sent it to me after I had my liver resection last year. He is so wonderful!

My dearest Elaine:
Here is an e-mail for you,
My one so true.
Sore and weary,
But never dreary.
Scarred, black and blue,
But still the same old you.
Recovery is near,
So don't shed a tear.
Love,
dfg

Me to a Tee

As I age...ahem, mature...there are times that I shake my head in wonder at the things I do.

Like walking into a room to get something and discovering in those few micro-seconds my brain has turned to mush. I do believe that this is a way to get us to do more exercising...walking back the way we came to "jar" our memory and then that "Aha!" moment and hurrying back before we forget. I'm tempted to get one of those pedometers to see how many steps I actually take in a day because of forgetfulness.

But, there are also perks to aging...I mean, maturing. We do grow wiser in our parenting skills; too bad the kids had to be the guinea pigs. We grow in our faith. We look back at our old lifestyle and shake our heads, wondering how we ever got through it without killing ourselves or at least ending up with serious injuries.

I do know that the prayers of my mother were heard time and time again in my life. There were so many stupid things I did that my kids will never find out about from me. And now, I spend time in prayer daily for each one of them. This kind of generational thing is good and I pray that my children will continue it with their children.